I think I’ve been out of this world lately and it felt strangely good. It felt like, for a moment… I don’t know what to say. Something, I mean someone came up and I got excited that we’re being normal, not to mention the past that has been gone for long. Funny because this post is not supposed to be about that but whatever. It seemed appropriate for the title. Ha ha :) I can’t write anymore, I’m too excited.
I know that I haven’t written a sensible thing yet but I’ll try and come up with something next time. CIAO
Now that I have a tumblr, I thought that I’ll be writing more often but it turned out that I’m not. Well, basically because time won’t allow me. I’m overly tired sometimes that I just can’t function well for a second anymore but when the emotions are strong, I let it out because it helps me.
I can’t rant on twitter because I will be annoyed to myself too. I just like this feeling of freely writing how I feel. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. My closest friends don’t even have the slightest idea that I’m back on track. *wink
Why did I even blabber. Anyway, my only thought right now is that I can feel mow that I’m really strong. Strong in a sense that I can actually do everything that I thought I couldn’t do, that’s what he said. Let me prove you wrong… I’ll keep you posted, my bestfriend. You are just the best.
With that one confrontation and you’re acting like that? I mean you’re supposed to be the understanding one. What happened now? I love you, yes, but I don’t like you anymore. There’s a whole lot of difference so stop acting like that, I’m capable of getting tired too. Most especially, I’m not the type who waits around and please other people. I hate doing that. I’m not the type who apologize for being relatively frank in the most beneficial way. I just don’t get you, I need you but you’re making me feel like I can’t talk to you anymore. That’s one of the saddest feelings, making someone feel that she is not worth making amends with.
I can take care of myself anyway, so go ahead and act whatever you want. You, being so cold, made me realize that you’re just words. You’re just a surface and nothing more.
I really like someone right now bit i’m not really sure if I can like him. This has been one of my frustrations in life. When I want something/someone, I always look for reasons to hold back and sometimes it’s not good because I’m being selfish and cruel to myself. I don’t let myself be genuinely happy. Sometimes I feel like the whole me is just a show, a mask that has been concealing my true self to the world. A war between myself and myself. And what could be more difficult than that. I want to get high, go to parties, have a boyfriend and try everything that I haven’t yet til now. Maybe those are things that I have been missing that’s why I’m asking for it now or maybe I like how the Westerners live, they just don’t care and I’m completely aware that it has a good and bad effect. But either way, a liitle bit of experience won’t hurt, and it may turn out to be a good thing because through that, realizations in life could be made.
A realization out of experience is more concrete than just the realization made out of someone’s experience and hearsays.
Basically, every students’ everyday struggle is how to find an inspiration to get out of bed and study. That’s essentially it for today. How to study under an atmosphere full of temptations other than studying. This is the only thing that made me feel really worthless today. Haha! Ciao! :)
So I woke up really early on a weekend, thoughts came crashing and I don’t know where to start. But I’d give you what occupied my mind most…
What do I want? What do I really want? I don’t know either. It feels like I almost have everything in life that wanting more would make me look that selfish. What’s there to ask for? I got a loving family, a school life, friends but not a relationship, an intimate one. everyone has been bashing around that I need to be in one now, it’s just that I don’t feel like it. I enjoy myself alone but who am I kidding.. Of course, I want a relationship, I’ve already had my fair share of being single in years. But no matter how much I tell that to myself, that reality just scares the hell out of me. And it’s not the love, it’s the thought of not being able to be perfect or fit for that kind of responsibility. Sometimes I’d think I’m ready and I want it but then again I don’t, I just keep having thoughts on how it’d be perfect for having someone I can watch a movie with or discover a new place to eat and that will really make me feel special and that he will not cheat on me and everything nice. Honestly, I’m looking for someone who people think do not exist in this world anymore and it’s hard if I don’t believe, I just think that somewhere he’s out there. Believe me, I know that I sound like a girl from a fairytale who seeks for happy endings, well here’s to you, there’s really no harm if I wait a little longer, I deserve better. Everyone does.
Now going back, what do I want as of the moment? I want to graduate, eat a lot of ice cream, watch movies alone in my room and eat and read books in my comfy clothes. That’s normal for me but whenever people knew this about me, they’d think that I have such a boring life, maybe I do. But I believe that I’m adventurous on the inside, and that I want to take things slow because there is a right time for everything. Sssh, I know we make that time but we have all the time in the world so I’m living every moment of it. Savoring the taste of alone time while it lasts.
What do you want?
This tumblr thingy is not really new to me since I had one ages ago and it’s not a blog that best described me or my best interests, I’m still not going to tell you who I am, it’s still my top secret but I can assure to whoever reads this, you’ll very much know things about me. And I have to give credit, I must admit that going back to tumbr would be a very good practice for me so allow me to let my thoughts flow and be really comfortable and confident about myself.
This post-something-about-yourself, that’s what is new to me. Never did anyone had a full disclosure about me so you (tumblr) are my recovered friend. And i’m looking forward to being with you everyday :)
So here I go…
I’m not following anyone because I really want this to be private but to anyone who accidentally finds this, thank you for reading my worthless post, I just want this to be a “safe haven” of my thoughts and emotions. Well, people will always have a secret and I think that I’m making one right now. A legit one since I am that person who shares almost everything to my closest friend/s and now that I finally figured what I’m missing, I want something that I, alone, know.
That’s it for now. I’m really excited! This will be like a mystery, oh it’s more of, I will be like a mystery like maybe somebody out there…